September 16 2005 We continued doing a variety of exercises, including Walrus Wrestling. I did this with one of the women. The emotional release for me was amazing. We kneeled on the floor, putting our hands behind our backs and put our shoulders together. I didn't have good standing and went back quickly. Starr quickly snapped.. Are that weak that she is going to push you over? You really are a doormat. I quietly stated that I have bad knees from my accident and that it is hard on my lower back. Oh.. do you need something for your knees? No, I will be okay. Thank you. Again I pushed against her shoulder with mine, yet this time waves of frustrations came out. It pulled out all the wasted time and effort I had worked on projects and ended up hitting a wall or getting another door closed on me. All the projects…. All the dreams… I have dropped because of the walls and doors. Some I would justify by saying… it must not be time instead of having the persistence to continue. I give up far too soon on some of the projects. My books are several of projects. Here I have outlines and when I would sit down to write, something, some distraction would come up and I would walk away from the book I was on at the time. The only one pushing for the books completion was me and that wasn't enough for me. I would ask Spirit for the support to get it done. I would get inspired for a moment, only to get a phone call and the moment of inspiration would be gone. Now I sat and cried. Quietly, Starr sat next to me, placing her leg next to mine to ground me. I was up along the ceiling at this time. She asked simply, Okay, Girl… What are you thinking about at this moment that got you in this state of mind? I began yelling… I can't do it anymore… I have had enough of the walls, the doors shut in my face! I can't do this anymore! I can't take the glass box! Quietly, Okay… What are you going to do about these glass walls? I want to break them down and walk away… I don't want them in my life anymore… I can't do it. I won't have it in my life anymore, I proclaimed. Okay then. We took a break so I could collect myself and we did our sacred services. I thanked this woman for her help for this breakthrough. I was very close to a major shift and I could felt it. I was emotional tired now from the crying and next Starr had another couple of people wrestling. It was lots of laughing, tears and victories for us. The shifting had begun for all of us. Back |
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